The Day She Left

It was 3:00 in the morning of March 13, 2008. The morning breeze was pouring down my spine as I went outside the house to check mama. She slept outside because she felt so hot inside and she's got fever. (ironic?) She wanted to feel the air outside. As I approached her, I held her forehead if she's still burning with fever. Well, thank God she's just okay? She told me that she's hungry, that she wanted to eat a hotdog but there's none left in the fridge and so I suggested to her that there's a chicken. And so she agreed to cook her fried chicken, but I told her that I can't cook for her knowing that I'll be preparing for the seminar in Valencia, Bukidnon on that same day. I told her that Diday (my elder sister will cook for her) will cook for her. I was thankful that she nodded. I was upset with what happen. I should have been the one doing that for I am the one she approached. After a short talk with mama, I told her to sleep for she hadn't sleep well from the past few hours. And so she did. I kept going. I had shower and took my breakfast and drink some coffee as well while checking her constantly outside. It was around 4:20 am when I finished preparing. I was stunned when I saw mama looking at me while I am getting my things for the seminar. She asked me where am I'll be going on that early hour. I told her that "I had already told you that we'll be conducting a seminar in Valencia and I'll be back in a day". She nodded and told me to take care of myself. That particular moment I was thinking twice if I should go. Honestly, I was having a hard time deciding if I should come for I had failed our ICT (Information and Communications Technology)adviser once and now I felt a shame if would not come. After saying goodbye to mama, I went out and I walk 'til corner.

I feel like going back home that time. I felt the urge to go back home. But it was a lil' too late. My fellow ICT members came late and so we waited long. The time for our departure came. It was around 6:00 in the morning when we got to leave CDO. At the van, I was totally wasted. I can't understand what I'm feeling. They cheered me up. But it didn't work out. We arrive at Valencia at exactly 9:00 and we went straight to Lando's house. We had a short meeting in there and then we went ahead to Bagong Taas National high School. The campus was quite big. It was 10:30 am when we had the chance to start the seminar after much discussion with the school principal. The seminar went well. The students did not actually appreciate what we had discussed for the topics were beyond their reach. They were still working on Microsoft Office Applications and we were discussing about Macromedia Fireworks, Flash and more...When it was my turn to deliver my piece I delivered it bad. And as soon as I was done my phone rang. I wasn’t expecting Diday to call me. That then I was stunned in silence. She was sobbing and couldn’t say a word but this “uli na daun” and the phone was off. I was startled. I texted her and I knew it. She’s gone. It’s too late for me. What now? It’s my fault. I’m not worth it. I’m such a stupid fool who doesn’t know how to prioritize things. I’m bitter. I can’t turn back the time which she needed me most.